Child Custody & Care of Children
New Zealand law stopped using "custody" and "access" years ago — the Care of Children Act 2004 talks about day-to-day care (where the child mainly lives) and contact (time with the other parent), and every decision runs on one paramount test: the child's welfare and best interests. There is no automatic 50/50 and no legal preference for mothers. Call 0800 461 100 free, any hour, to understand how it applies to your family.
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Child Custody at a glance
How care arrangements are actually decided
Most arrangements are agreed, not ordered: a parenting plan the two of you settle — directly, through Parenting Through Separation (a free course), or in Family Dispute Resolution mediation — carries no court stamp but works for most families. When agreement fails, either parent applies for a parenting order, and the Family Court decides on the child's welfare and best interests, weighed through statutory principles: the child's safety first, the benefit of a relationship with both parents, the child's own views given their age and maturity, identity and family connections.What the court is not doing: rewarding the "wronged" parent, punishing the one who left, or defaulting to mothers. Conduct matters only where it touches the child's welfare — violence and safety always do. Talk it through with a lawyer now →
Guardianship — the part parents forget
Separate from where a child lives, both parents are usually guardians — joint decision-makers on the big questions: school, medical treatment, religion, name, where the child lives (in the sense of relocations). Guardianship survives separation, and it is why one parent generally cannot relocate a child to another town or country over the other guardian's objection without the court resolving it. Relocation and overseas-travel disputes are among the most contested — and most urgent — issues in this area. Talk it through with a lawyer now →Urgent situations
Where a child's safety is at risk, or a child may be removed from New Zealand, the court moves fast: without-notice parenting orders, orders preventing removal (which can alert border control), and interim care arrangements can be made before the other parent is heard. If your situation involves family violence, the protection-order pathway runs alongside — and family-violence cases skip the mediation prerequisites entirely. If any of this is your situation, do not wait for a mediation appointment: call now and get the urgent pathway explained. Talk it through with a lawyer now →When the other parent breaches the arrangement
A parenting order is enforceable: the court can admonish, vary the order, impose conditions (like bonds), and in serious cases treat persistent breaches as contempt — and denied contact is addressed by the court, never by self-help. If you are being refused the contact an order provides, document each occasion and apply to enforce. If there is no order — only an informal arrangement — a breach is the signal to formalise: agreed arrangements can be turned into consent orders that then carry teeth. Talk it through with a lawyer now →Sorting out care arrangements, step by step
Child Custody — your questions answered
Do mothers automatically get the children in New Zealand?
No. The law contains no preference for mothers — the child's welfare and best interests decide, through the statutory principles. Plenty of fathers have day-to-day care; many families share care. What the court wants is the arrangement that serves the child, not a template.
Is 50/50 shared care the starting point?
No — there is no presumption of equal time. Shared care is common and often ordered where it serves the child, but the test remains best interests, weighing practicalities like distance, school, ages and the parents' capacity to cooperate.
Can I move towns (or overseas) with the kids?
Not unilaterally, if the other parent is a guardian and objects — relocation is a guardianship decision. Courts weigh the child's interests in the move against the loss of relationship with the other parent. Moving first and arguing later is the classic mistake; it can produce return orders and lasting damage to your case.
At what age can my child decide who they live with?
There is no magic age. The child's views must be considered and are given weight according to age and maturity — a 15-year-old's views weigh heavily; a 7-year-old's are heard but not decisive. Children are usually heard through a lawyer for child appointed by the court, not by testifying.
The other parent is denying me contact. What do I do?
If a parenting order exists, document the breaches and apply to enforce it — never retaliate by withholding child support or grabbing the child back. If there is no order, apply for one (after the mediation steps, unless an exception applies). Either way, get the process moving rather than letting a bad status quo harden.
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